Learning God's Way

Romans chapter 8 explains the importance of walking after the Spirit of Christ instead of fulfilling the lusts of the flesh. Jesus paid it all, so believers can be free from the law. Believers can never fulfill the law because of our sinful flesh; therefore, Jesus is the way to righteousness. He died on the cross and rose again to save humans from our unrighteous sins.

After the Holy Spirit enters into a believer’s heart, his/her own sinful behaviors will become clear. A true believer will begin to focus on heavenly desires instead of earthly desires. It is important for all believers to have a desire for Christ to bear fruit through us. If a believer continues in sin, God will not be pleased. If believers walk after Christ, peace and hope will be brought to them. Jesus is the Prince of Peace, and He is waiting on us at the right hand of God. And, NOTHING can separate God’s children from His love, peace, hope, and joy.

The suffering and trials that Christians endure on this Earth are little compared to the blessings waiting in Heaven. Therefore, as a believer, I have the desire to walk after the spirit and not after the flesh. I am thankful that Jesus saved me from Hell, and I am grateful for His blessings on Earth and those unknown blessings waiting on me in Heaven. Often times, God’s promises cannot be fathomed!! But, He is good all the time. I am thankful that all things work together for His good!! Not my good. But His good!!

**This is my second essay assignment for the Reformer’s Unanimous Discipleship Class. Reformer’s Unanimous is a wonderful program.  And, our family has grown so much closer to the Lord since we began working in this ministry.  We call it an honor and blessing to do Christ’s work.  For without Him, we are nothing!  http://www.reformu.com/  or https://www.facebook.com/pages/Chilhowie-Baptist-Reformers-Unanimous/512995975407525

What’s the meaning of that word?  Do you really understand what this verse is saying?  Let’s look up the meanings of some of these words.  The kids and I have this conversation as we study Bible verses. Defining unknown words in the Bible helps God’s message become crystal clear. It is best to use an 1828 dictionary to look up words from the Bible because word meanings have changed over time.  You may not know what a word means just by reading it. Sometimes context clues are helpful but other times they are not. Defining words helps reflect their meanings right to you.

As I was pondering some issues on my heart last night, the following questions ran through my mind. What do I reflect to others?  Do I really reflect what I read in Proverbs every day?  If someone looked up my name in the dictionary what words would flow after it?  How do people define me as a person?  These thoughts cut deep.

So, I decided to come up with a definition of what I thought people might find if they looked up my name in the dictionary.  The following words flooded my mind:

Amanda B. – quick tempered, slow to listen, offers advice too often, opinionated, excuse maker, judgemental, weak, a talebearer, meddler of strife

These words continued to race through my mind as I snuggled Jayla as close to my body as I could. I felt tears well up in my eyes. But, I finally took Jayla’s lead and drifted off to sleep.  As I woke this morning, these same thoughts came to my mind. I had prayed and gave it to the Lord.  Or, at least I thought I had. It was evident that I really hadn’t let these thoughts go as I murmured to Jamie while he read Proverbs at the kitchen table. I made my definition of myself come to life as I let the next few words slip from my mouth.  Why do I even bother reading Proverbs if I am not successful at living the virtuous life that is described in the verses? I give up. Why does the Lord expect so much from us if He knows how hard it is to follow through?  I am just not going to try to be like those verses anymore.  It is evident that I am not cut out to be the type of Christian that the Lord expects me to be.  Jamie just listened and went on reading.  (Poor guy!) I know he was kind and offered some words of wisdom, but I don’t even remember what they were.  I was just thankful that he was willing to listen to the nonsense spewing from my mouth.

So, as quickly as I said that I wasn’t going to read Proverbs any longer, I pulled it up on the computer.  And, I began to read Proverbs 28.

1 The wicked flee when no man pursueth: but the righteous are bold as a lion.

2 For the transgression of a land many are the princes thereof: but by a man of understanding and knowledge the state thereof shall be prolonged.

3 A poor man that oppresseth the poor is like a sweeping rain which leaveth no food.

4 They that forsake the law praise the wicked: but such as keep the law contend with them.

5 Evil men understand not judgment: but they that seek the LORD understand all things.

I believe I stopped at verse five.  I became distracted by little blessings peaking at me from every direction. Suddenly, I became consumed in the daily duties of breakfast and the kids’ school.  But, my definition of myself and the ugly words that had spewed from my mouth, continued to bog me down.  So, I decided to evaluate myself again.  I came up with a new definition.

Amanda B. – cares for others, quick tempered at times, listens but quickly offers advice, hurts when others hurt, can be overly opinionated more often than not, makes excuses for wrong doings, loves her family, sees negative actions in others even those closest to her, weak, becomes caught up in strife or causes strife when she should only be listening

While this definition doesn’t hurt quite as bad as the first, some of the words still prick my heart. I am not content with most of those words plastered after my name.  So, what now?  Where do I go from here?  Do I continue to let the devil convince me that I can’t be in the Lord’s will?

Absolutely not!  I cannot be the person God has created me to be without His help. I need Him. He believes in me!  He knows I can be that woman described in Proverbs. He loves me.  He knows what is best! But, he also knows I am human.  He knows I fail too many times.  I know He isn’t satisfied as I constantly mess up His will for my life.  But, thank goodness for His mercy! I am so thankful for His mercy.  But, I want to stop cashing in on it so often.  I want to be more pleasing to Him (because He first loved me). I want to be more pleasing to my family and my friends. So I am praying that before the Lord takes me home to Heaven, the following definition will be written beside my name:

Amanda B. – loves the Lord, loves others and expects nothing in return, joyfully completes tasks at hand,  has a meek and quiet spirit, bears the burdens of others by listening without offering opinions, prays for others instead of judging their actions, is a cheerful giver, waits on the Lord’s will and is content in His will, is content with the Lord’s will in her Christian sisters’ and brothers’ lives, is quick to admit she is wrong and ask for forgiveness, takes her burdens to the Lord and is not an excessive worrier, has faith and is sensitive to the Holy Spirit

Now that is the only definition I am satisfied with.  If God is for it, so am I!! Please pray for me as I ask for the Lord’s help to become the person He so desires me to be. Please pray that I will move out of God’s way and let Him do the work!  I cannot do it on my own.  Please pray that I will not let the devil convince me that these things do not matter. Please pray that I will stay in His word dissecting and defining each and every word! Yes, Proverbs, Galatians, as well as every other book in God’s Holy word makes the importance of bearing fruit crystal clear! Without Him, bearing fruit is impossible! I want to live my life in Christ!

Pslam 51:10 – Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.

My babies!  My babies are growing so quickly.  I see it every day.  James has shot up like a stalk of corn and is praying that God’s will is for him to be a rancher. Jayla has went from sitting, to crawling, to nearly walking in 10 short months.  Jacob invents new things each free moment he gets.  And just last night, he showed that he can take the death of a pet in stride as he graciously announced that he already knows about the life of Job.  God’s will be done. And little J.J. is sputtering new words as reading becomes her forte bit by bit. At family Bible time she whispers, “I want to keep on reading.”  It all melts my heart and drips freely from my eyes.

Am I doing my part as I watch them grow? Is Proverbs 31 becoming ingrained in me? Are my cries to my savior being heard?  My cries for Him to live through me with gentleness, meekness, and kindness.  I surely hope so. Does my husband see my efforts?  Does he hear my cries to the Lord?  As he writes in our little green journal, he thanks me for teaching our babies the importance of Mark 12:30. He thanks me for being a Proverbs 31 woman. I read his words of encouragement and am grateful that he sees I am trying. I am trying my best not to fail time and time again -trying my best not to doubt. It is all so new to me. I never truly made sense of it all until recently. I am slowly weaving the pieces together as I flee from doubt.

Doubt. It creeps in so quickly when you least expect it. It makes you question not only your abilities but your salvation.  Doubt: such a little word with so much power. It is a joy killer. It suffocates. It is one of the devil’s favorite tools. But wait! There is hope. Doubt quickly becomes powerless when God becomes your power.

Not so long ago, He silenced my doubt. He put it to rest. I ran to Him.  I pleaded with Him.  I got in His word.  He was faithful.  He listened.  He is working. I continue to run to Him.  I continue to plead with Him.  I continue to read His word.  He continues to be faithful.  He is empowering me to joyfully complete the daily tasks that come with being a wife, a mother, a teacher.  He silences doubt in an instant.  He is in FULL control.  He is holding onto my heart so tightly.  It is in the palm of His hand.  I never want Him to let go.  His love is everlasting. I love him so. It is a matter of the heart.

He understands my longing to be a Proverbs 31 woman.  He hears my prayers.  He gives me strength.  He knows how much I love the husband and babies he has blessed me with. It’s not about me.  It’s about them.  It’s about Him.  It’s a matter of the heart.  I call out Psalm 139:23-24 to Him.  I plead for Him to search my heart and not let any wicked ways be found in me. I ask him to take any negative thoughts or complaints away. Because more times than not, I see the negative.  I am a complainer.  Oh, how I want all of that to change.  I long for all of those evil ways to be hushed like the doubt.  What a huge task I have laid at His feet.  My longing is for a heart that bleeds the fruit of the spirit.  That is what He expects.  I want to please Him.  He died for me.  He died for you.  He died for us.  It is the least we can do.  It is a matter of the heart.  His love is sufficient.

Perfection may be screaming out at you.  Impossible.  Perfection is impossible because of sin.  Yes.  But, all things are possible through Him.  He paid it all.  He is our Savior, our Redeemer, and our Father which art in Heaven.  Following Him is the only way to bear fruit.  I love Him.  I thank Him.  I have no more doubt or fear.  He will give me the strength needed to be a Proverbs 31 woman.  The devil can’t win.  Not this battle.  The Lord is my teacher, my Father, and my strength. His words are beautiful.  He is the author and the finisher.  He is the beginning and the end.

What happens when the anger slips back in?  When the wrong words slip out?  When I get frustrated because the beds are not made, the toys are left out, the dishes are piled in the sink, the husband is working nearly 18 hours each day?  The answer is quite simple. I run to Him.  I ask for forgiveness.  He forgives.  And in my daily journal, I scratch out those horrible sins.  They are forgotten.  I run to those who the anger and frustration spewed over.  I ask them to forgive me.  I hug.  I kiss.  I love them more than ever.  I vow to try harder.  I start over again.  I squeeze tighter.  They hug.  They kiss.  They love me and understand me more. They squeeze tighter.  We all try harder.  We have the power to love through Him.  We all hug.  We all kiss.  We all squeeze tighter.  We all love each other one hundred times more than the day before.  We are human.  We are sinful.  We are powerless without Him.  How sweet it is to be loved by the Savior of the world.   Will you let Him guide your heart?  Proverbs 3:5-6  explains it so well.  His ways, His truths, His words, and His guidance are the only reasons to ever follow your heart. He is so enveloped in mine.  His love is amazing. I will do it all for Him.   It’s a matter of the heart.

John 8:32 – And ye shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free.

Psalm 19:14 – Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, my redeemer.

The Fruit of the Spirit bracelet can be purchased here: http://shop.reformu.com/product-p/mr-055.htm

The proceeds from the bracelet go to the women living in the Reformers Unanimous (a Christ-centered addiction recovery program) women’s home in Rockford, IL.  The bracelets are made by the women living in the home, and the money helps them live in the home while they learn that Jesus will set them free from their addictions.  The money is sometimes used to help the women purchase gifts for their children for birthdays and holidays.  It helps the mothers stay connected to their children while learning of Christ’s love as they are being set free from their sinful addictions. The bracelet in the picture was made by a woman name Brittany.  Will you join us and pray for her?

A week or so ago, I decided to try out a new toothpaste just before bed. As I opened the cap, a somewhat familiar scent came rolling out of the tube. I didn’t think much about it until I pressed my toothbrush onto my tongue. The vivid taste of that toothpaste made past memories rush through my mind. And all at once, it hit me! The smell wasn’t so unfamiliar anymore. All of a sudden, I could see myself sneaking my Papaw’s breath mints off of his coffee table. I smirked as I remembered how he would let me pop more than one out of the roll before he acted like he noticed! I would swish the mints around in my mouth and savor the taste as we watched Sanford and Son, The Adam’s Family, and the Braves together.

You see, most days the big yellow bus dropped me off at his house when I was in elementary school. And, until I tasted that toothpaste just a few nights ago, I didn’t realize how much I still miss him. I miss him calling me Bubba and singing “Oh My Darling” over and over again. He passed away when I was just 22 years old. It was almost a year after my wedding, and his death was the first painful event in my adult life.  I rejoiced that he was no longer suffering, but I wanted to spend more time with him.

Instead of letting wonderful memories heal my hurt the past ten years, I added to the pain by getting hung up on things that don’t really matter. I have been selfish. Over the last decade, I now know that I wasted so much time focusing on the few things that I thought he should have done for me while he was still here. I have focused on him not coming to my wedding. I have focused on him not rescuing me when my washer was flooding my laundry room floor. I have focused on him not calling to check on me like I thought he should. I have focused on the fact that I wanted him to quit smoking, but he wouldn’t. I have focused on how I never got to hear him tell me that he loved me.

It wasn’t that I didn’t love him while he was here. Because I did. I made sure he knew that I loved him not long after I found out he had lung cancer. I wanted him to hear me say that I loved him before he was gone. The two times that I told him he couldn’t say it back. The second time I told him, right before his surgery, I reassured myself that it was okay that he hadn’t bounced those three words back. I just wanted him to know that I loved him. I went further by showing him that he was special when I bought him an angel coin while he was recovering in the hospital. It hung above his bed and was placed in my hand the day he went to heaven. He entered the pearly white gates from his hospital bed.

I cried like a baby the night he died. I cried like a baby several days after. I cried like a baby when more angel coins fell from heaven and landed at his back door. I even took flowers to his grave not long after. I promised to remember him when I named my future children. But, then I did what I always seem to do. I became numb. I became numb to what it was like when he was here. I became numb to the childhood memories that we had shared. That is until I tasted that toothpaste, and I was forced to see him again!

I went to bed that night with a new outlook of my memories of him. Since that night, I have let the memories take over my thoughts. And suddenly, I no longer focus on the few negative thoughts that I had created in my mind. Can you forgive someone after they are already in heaven? I am living proof that you can! But, this past week has taught me that after all these years, maybe he didn’t even need to be forgiven.

The truth about my Papaw has come to life this week as I have remembered how he loved to eat a slice of apple butter bread with milk splattered over it. (So do I!) I have been able to see him in his trucker’s cap and big round sunglasses trying to teach me how to mow the lawn with that silver Sears mower. I have vividly seen him smiling as he shook his head because I failed miserably! (At the tender age of 10 years old, I was not cut out to be a lawnmower driver.) So, I have once again felt the rake enter my hand as he put me to work raking apples instead. Since the negative is gone, I have allowed myself to breathe in the sweet smell of those overly ripe apples! How I wish I could smell those same apples again. I have stretched out the mirror so he could clean the chimney. A task that I haven’t minded reliving because I got to spend time with him again.

Since I have let all of the negative go, I have once again felt the pounding in my nose as my sister whacked me with a tennis racket one hot summer day while he was watching us many years ago. And, I can still see his face as screaming sisters came running at him.  He just shook his head, made sure I was going to live, and let us go about our way. He did not fuss nor yell that day. He chose to love us just the way we were! He loved us in the good times and bad. Yes! He loved us in the good times and bad.

This week has taught me that his love shone through every day that he was with us. Now I know how much he loved me even though he never spoke those three words that I expected to hear so often. He showed me that he loved me every time he dropped by and picked me up from school so I wouldn’t get sick on the bus. He showed me that he loved me when he let me make huge bird nests out of all the grass that he had just raked. He showed me that he loved me when he would skip one of his favorite shows so I could watch Saved By the Bell. He showed me that he loved me when he listened to every word as I complained about how some people could be so rude when I worked at that grocery store in college. He showed me that he loved me by listening and not saying much at all! I don’t think he ever uttered a rude word to me. Can my children say the same thing about me? My husband? My sister? My family? My friends? Unfortunately, no!

By embracing his love this week and digging deeper into the person he really was, I have also realized that he not only loved me but he also taught me so many life lessons! Why has it taken me so many years to realize this? He has taught me that it is not strange if you only go to Walmart when you actually need something. He has taught me that the older the truck the better. He has taught me that home cooked meals are what it is all about. He has taught me that blue socks match whatever you are wearing. He has taught me that there is no place like home and family is all that matters. And, as I watched the water rushing from that old washer one more time this week, he has taught me that I don’t always have to have a knight in shining armor! Over thirteen years ago, he was trying to teach me that it is okay to learn to do things on my own.

This week I have learned that my Papaw didn’t need to be changed.  I was the one who needed to remember how I once loved him for who he was. I needed to love him like I did before he went to see Jesus.  I was the one who needed to learn that life is not always about me.  I have realized that my Papaw was perfect just the way he was, and he had enough love to go around. Just because he didn’t say those three words like I wished he would have, it doesn’t mean that his love wasn’t there. It was! I am so glad that my heart is now healed.  I am so glad that I can feel his love again. It feels good to be able to smile as I see him looking down from heaven. It will be just a little time until we meet again. I know he has a special room for my family in his mansion! And, I know it will be a celebration like no other when my little girl gets to meet the one I named her after.

Jaden Raeann

Proverbs 25:11 – A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.