-I’m tired from the fight.

-I’m tired from the constant battle.

-I’m tired from the reality of everyone else besides me having a hand in planning my family’s future.

-I’m tired from having to answer to many many different people on how to best parent these kids in my home.

-I’m tired from traumatized brains causing havoc every minute of every day. (It’s not the kids’ fault. We are glad they are here, and we love them very much. But the journey is so exhausting!)

-I’m tired from the many many therapy appointments, doctor appointments, dentist appointments, social worker visits, lawyer visits, school assignments, daily logs to fill out, etc. etc. etc.

-I’m tired from the decisions of the court.

-I’m tired from being asked to pretend like everything is perfect when in reality it’s not.

-I’m tired from having to keep my feelings to myself out of fear.

-I’m tired from the whole system.

But, it’s not just foster care. I am also tired from:

-watching dementia take my grandmother away

-watching people suffer so badly every day due to sickness- people who made a great difference in our community

-watching people drown in alcoholism

– watching drug addictions take people’s kids and lives away

Yes! I’m so tired, and many times, I feel like a ton of bricks are resting on my chest and no matter how hard I push they won’t lift off so I can breathe just a little.

-I’m tired of the frustration.

-I’m tired of those feelings of frustration making me feel like a failure because I say the wrong things and make the wrong decisions in a split second just because I’m completely worn out from the chaos that surrounds me. The chaos of a broken system.

-I’m tired of the tears that come from this deep sadness that permeates my body because I can’t change the system, or take someone’s suffering away, or find a cure for dementia, or help heal a traumatized child overnight, or make those people change who don’t want to or maybe don’t know how to.

I’m tired…

But God very very softly whispers, “I’m your strength. Get up, and I will fight your battle. You are enough. These kids need you no matter how tired you are. No matter how broken the system is. Let me fight for you and them. You do your part, and I’ll do mine. Every human makes mistakes. Learn from them and accept my forgiveness. Move on. Enjoy the moment before it is gone. I will work out every last detail for the best! You can’t fix the brokenness around you, but I can. Trust me! Read my Word! Pray to me often. Pray for those who need to be changed through my blood! Be still and know that I am God! Just Breathe! I created you for a purpose, and my love for you never changes!”

(Praising the Lord once again for His mercy, grace, and goodness. He is Able even when I am not.)