Who knew six months could fly by so quickly? Another six months has passed. Another six months that cannot be relived. All the events and words spoken these past six months will linger behind us forever.
A lot of changes have occurred in my life these past six months. Some days held trials, pain, and suffering. Others were filled with tears, humility, and growth. But, all of them were filled with hope and joy.Six months ago, my life changed forever. It was a moment in time that the Lord allowed me to endure for His glory. He has allowed me to hold my 5th child so close. I really haven’t put him down very often. It’s a choice I have made. I don’t want to miss one single moment with him. He is my last child, and I have loved every minute with him. The past six months has taught me that each day is a gift.I often think about how quickly my other four children have grown. Did I snuggle them as much as I do Jayce? Did I take in each moment, or did I wish some stages away? It’s something to ponder, but it can’t be changed. I like to think that I held them as much as they wanted. I like to think I took in every smile that crossed their little faces. But, I probably didn’t. Something very different occurs when you know there will not be any more babies to care for and love. Something inside me wants time to stop this very second. I would be absolutely content if I could be 34 for the rest of my life. Even though I have failed at being a mother more times than I ever care to mention, I absolutely love taking care of my little family.
Of course there are times when I see all the messes around and I feel like I might go insane. There are times when anxiety creeps in because there is just so much that needs to be done. But, the Lord uses those times to remind me that not so long ago I really missed those messes. He reminds me that the ones behind the messes have a soul worth protecting. The Lord also uses those messes to show me how ugly my heart really is. Those messes continue to teach me how important it is to love others like Jesus loves them. Those messes scream to love others no matter what. Each word matters.I have processed a lot these past six months. Three months ago I wrote that contentment in God’s plan is always the best answer. I wrote that we should thank God for every single thing that He brings us. And, all of that is still true. But, I would be lying if I said every day since I typed those words has been smooth sailing. There have been days that I have cried and felt the achiness that I felt right after Jayce’s birth. There have been days where I have felt uneasy with God’s decision. There have been days where it has hurt to see pregnant friends. (I really dislike that feeling. It shows how easily envy can sneak in. It shows that I am human. It shows that Christians have feelings. But, it also shows my sinfulness, which I hate most of all.) The Lord continues to humble me and burden my heart for the pregnant ladies around me. I really do want them to know how much I care, and deep down I am so excited for them. New life is a precious gift from God. It is an honor to pray for them and those wanting children of their own.It is probably not hard to figure out that these past six months held days where I almost felt defeated. But, God is faithful. His peace, hope, and joy are always present. He does not bring us trials and tell us no to defeat us. He wants His children to prosper. He continues to show me how much each second matters. He continues to show me how real He is as He places certain people and verses in front of me. He shows me how much He loves me by helping me understand that His plan for me is very different then His plans for those around me. And, that is a good thing. He shows me that life is not all about what I want. Life is about helping others.
Today I want to focus on His grace and mercy. Today I want to show others how much they mean to me. I am over filled with joy. It is obvious that time will never stand still. Things keep turning in this beautiful life we live. That’s why these past six months have went by so quickly. That’s why it is already time to say Happy Six Months to our Baby Jayce. Can you believe it? He really is six months old!! I love every single thing about him. He will always be the baby!