I’m sure we have all lost someone we love at some point in our lives. Some have lost husbands, wives, children, moms, dads, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, or friends. The list is endless and can go on and on. By the time we hit adulthood, death of loved ones becomes inevitable.

Unfortunately with death comes grief. It hits us in the face so quickly that it knocks the breath completely out of us. As time goes by, we try to regain that breath that was stolen from us, but it can be laborious to find.

Grief is not a simple feat. It cannot be easily conquered nor defeated. If we aren’t careful, it can easily get the better of us. It can rob us of so many blessings around us. However, no matter how much we want to squash the feelings that come along with grief, it is not that straightforward.

Grief is not comfortable. It is not welcome. It is not wanted.

Grief is:

-anger

-sadness

-fear

-regrets

-memories

-exhaustion

-anxiety

-depression

-insomnia

-tears when you least expect them

-empty feelings deep down inside

– the inability to breathe

-pushing through the pain

-fake smiles

Grief is all of those things wrapped up in one BIG package. The most difficult thing is there is no return label. Grief lasts for all of our earthly lives. The emotions that come from death reminds us that grief is here to stay. It will last forever. It hits us like a ton of bricks out of no where. That’s because our five senses have a way of reminding us of our past.

I found a lipstick tube in my bathroom cabinet just yesterday that smelled exactly like the lipstick Grandma P. used. That one tube of lipstick took me back to her house. I could see myself staring in her mirror as I applied her lipstick all those years ago.

Seeing my dad’s wallet on the bookshelf in my bedroom leaves me gasping for air every single time I glance over at it. He pulled that wallet out of his bibs and tried to give me money numerous times. I would decline nearly every time. I always told him that I bought him things to bless him not for him to pay me back. There is a little note in that wallet that he probably placed in there at least 14 years ago. It reads: Jacob B. owes $2. It is hard to tell what Jacob borrowed $2 for when he was barely old enough to write, but he made sure to fill out an IOU for his Pawpaw Tim. Behind that note are pictures of Jacob, his siblings, my sister, and myself.

Tasting any type of spearmint gum or candy takes me right back to Papaw P’s coffee table. I would grab his candy or gum after school each day as we sat and watched The Adam’s Family, The Braves, or good old Sandford and Son.

The feel of play dough takes me all the way back to the bar in Grandma Yvonne’s kitchen. We would sit together for hours and create anything and everything. My favorite was making a basket and filling it full of eggs. She would always make sure our creations dried out so she could keep them.

Hearing thunder reminds me of Papaw Paul because he loved to bowl. When I recently visited Florida, we had a bowling pin shaped pool. How convenient considering it was a week after my dad passed away. Him and my papaw bowled together for many years. When a huge FL thunderstorm came, I told Jaden that Papaw and my dad were bowling in Heaven. There isn’t much else my papaw would want to be doing, so I know it had to be them. He was one of the sweetest men I have ever known.

I am thankful for the lasting memories, but not for the grief. I know people say time lessens the pain. Maybe it will. However, with each loved one who I have had to say goodbye to, it reminds me that Heaven gets sweeter everyday. It reminds me that life cannot be taken for granted. Life keeps moving along despite our heartaches. I have lost so many that played a huge role in my life over the last few years. So many who I always expected to be here to navigate this life with have passed on. Many of them went unexpectedly and much quicker than I ever anticipated them to.

Life is short. Grief is difficult. Grief makes us feel uncomfortable in so many different ways. It dreadfully pours out at different times. It is painful to endure no matter how it manifests. But God is good. He can bring joy in the midst of our grief. Simply typing those words is not enough. I have to believe them. Without faith, hope, and God’s love, we all have nothing.

1 Corinthians 13:7- (Love) …Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.