Paralyzed

Have you ever felt paralyzed to the point of not being able to have the energy to move two more steps forward? Despite all the blessings going on around you, you still feel like the lies and deception in other areas places a black cloud of fog over the good that has just occurred. Have you ever felt fear creep up and try to unravel all the wonderful things that have came to fruition?

Fear makes all the small victories along the way seem like they are not enough to hold it all together. Fear! It’s a four letter word that I’ve probably written about so many times. It takes our breath away. It makes our faith weak. It makes us say and act in ways we aren’t always proud of.

Fear has crept into my heart so much these past two years. So many things that are happening behind the scenes that I have no control over are taking my breath away over and over again. Yes, we have seen victories that we are so thankful for. Victories that only God could have orchestrated. But, are those victories enough?

There are still things lurking in the background that remind us that some things are incomplete. Some things continue to be undone and down right scary due to lack of information and so much more that I can’t even comment on.

We have babies dying and children living in their worst nightmares because of the brokenness of our system. But, we are silenced. We aren’t aloud to speak. We have to live in fear. We have to pretend like we are nobodies who could care less if things turn out in a way that could be harmful, neglectful, and abusive.

We are temporary caretakers who do not matter until the system says they need us to step in and become more than just foster parents. Until that point, we get to have our names run through the mud, get lied about, and practically get spit on and ignored.

But, guess what? We aren’t doing any of this for ourselves. We have and continue to do what we do not for ourselves, but for kids who have no voice or rights in this United States of America. Before a huge change is made, how many kids have to die, have to grow up in horror and filth, or have to be arrested because they chose the same path as their parents?

When is this system going to be focused on the child as the victim instead of the abuser? When? We are just foster parents as I’ve heard it said just as recently as yesterday, but we are also humans. We are humans who care about the well being of children who have been dealt a hard hand in life.

Even though we are “just” foster parents, we will continue to be the voice behind the scenes as long as the Lord allows us to. We all have recently seen what happens to children who fall through the cracks. We’ve seen what happens when lies are told and when no one is held accountable for his or her actions.

When I think about what’s going on in our never ending case, the song “Nobody” by the Casting Crowns comes to my mind. “Cause I’m just a nobody trying to tell everybody. All about Somebody who saved my soul. Ever since You rescued me, You gave my heart a song to sing. I’m living for the world to see nobody but Jesus.”

I love that song because it reminds me of my purpose in all of this. Yes. I’m just a nobody, but God has given me a huge job to do for Him while we wait and trust in Him. He wants me to live in a way that shows these kids, their parents, the lawyers, social workers, and all those involved in these cases who Jesus is. So, even though I’m “just” a foster parent who is far from perfect, I will stay the course. I pray I’ve not lost my testimony for the Lord along the way because fighting for what is right can get messy at times. Thankfully, the Lord is merciful and gracious.

I’m so thankful for His mercy and grace. I’m thankful to be a nobody. But, we can’t fight this fight alone! How many “nobodies” out there are willing to pray for the fear to be squashed while we wait for God to reveal the truth? I truly believe if we have faith than a lot of “nobodies” working together to pray for God’s will can change not only a child’s future but prayer can also change the world! Are you ready?

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