Finally. I am finally ready to share what has been going on over the past five months. I wasn’t sure if I would ever share what has happened. But, if our story will encourage one person to trust God in all things, then sharing will be well worth it. Writing helps me heal and gets me moving forward. So today, I would like to share how all things work together for God’s good.
As many of you know, adoption has been placed upon our hearts. As a family, we have prayed and asked God to guide us as we pursue His plan. We have taken tons and tons of classes and filled out tons and tons of paperwork that has exposed every single detail of our lives beginning with our first breaths.
We are now certified in CPR and First Aid. Our fingerprints and background checks received an A➕. Our house has been cleaned and final touches have been made. Our home study has been completed and approved. The list could go on and on. Just ask any family who has adopted.
We began the foster to adopt process without a specific child in mind. And, at one point, we stopped the process because we became overwhelmed. However, the Lord didn’t promise an easy journey, so we persevered through His strength and finished each step.
In September, not long after we decided to move forward, God led us to a birth mom seeking a forever family for her baby girl. We felt that He had urged us not to give up, and that He had put this mom right in front of us for a reason. That reason was not completely clear at first. We were not asked to adopt right away. We were asked to pray and wait. We prayed, some of our closest friends prayed, our children prayed, and our extended family members prayed. And, we felt like our prayers had been answered in November when the birth mom explained that her original adoption plan was not going to work out, and she asked if we would adopt her sweet baby. We talked about how the name would be chosen. And, she asked if I would try and get permission to be in the delivery room with her.
We were so excited. We were getting ready to add another baby girl to our home. Our last was a boy, so we felt God was continuing the pattern of boy, girl, boy, girl, boy… She was due the second week in December.
A week or so after we said yes to the adoption plan, the birth mom agreed upon the name we had chosen. Of course the first name started with Ja like our other children. I was planning on nursing the baby since Jayce has yet to wean. Everything was working out just as I had imagined.
Not long after Jayce was born, adoption had been rekindled in my heart. I had prayed that the Lord would send us a baby in need of a forever family a few weeks after he was born. That prayer was first spoken well over a year and a half ago.
And when we were asked to adopt, it seemed that my prayer was being answered with a yes! Deep down, I wanted to believe we were witnessing God’s hand in all of it. But, it didn’t take long to realize that there were certain details that just weren’t adding up, and we know God’s plans are always peaceful.
So, in the end, our prayer to add this baby girl into our family didn’t get answered with a yes. This precious baby was born on her due date, but she didn’t join our family. She actually didn’t have a forever family at first. She was placed in foster care a few days after her birth.
(-an excerpt from my devotion the day she was born)
My heart ached for her. My heart ached for her birth parents and for the couple who had originally planned to adopt. My heart ached for my family. I longed to know if the baby girl that I already loved was okay. I felt separated from my newborn baby. And at one point in the process, I really grieved for her.
Earlier in our journey, when I felt sure she was our daughter, I wrote her a letter. I explained how difficult it was not being able to feel her move in my tummy like I did the rest of my children. I explained how much her birth mom loved her because she was giving her a chance at life. I told her how much our family already loved her. This letter was written in faith.
God expects us to have faith. He wants us to know that He is able to answer our prayers with a yes. But, He also expects our faith and trust to collide. There comes a point when we have to understand that God always works things out for His good. Our faith has to be so strong that we understand that even when we pray asking for a yes, we have to wholeheartedly accept a no and have enough faith and trust to understand that it is for the best. Sometimes we can do things through faith and ultimately still get no for an answer. We must be content with that! I did long for this baby girl. I believed Luke 1:37. But, I only wanted this adoption to occur if she was meant for us.
(-our oldest daughter’s memory verse that was sent while we waited – it is the same verse from my devotion in September)
In His perfect timing, God showed us that this adoption was not His will for us. Without ceasing, I had asked God to work out all of the details for this baby girl. I fervently asked Him to place her with the forever family that He had chosen. And, He did. She is with the couple that originally planned to adopt. She is with the couple that we believed had decided not to adopt at one point because of circumstances out of their control. Even after we were asked to adopt, I continued to pray and asked the Lord to place this sweet girl in this couple’s arms if it was His will. I also longed for a yes for us if she wasn’t their daughter. I can’t stress how much I only wanted her to join our family if she was meant for us.
Although I grieved for her at first, I now rejoice knowing that God’s perfect will occurred. I rejoice knowing how much God has blessed her with a loving Christian family. I am happy for them. I am happy that they can claim Luke 1:37. And, I will continue to pray for them. It is obvious that this sweet baby girl is not ours. It would be selfish for us to wish that things would have worked out differently. We are committed to faith and trust.
I was reminded of a lot of things through this trial. God’s plans are always right. When we try to work out all of the details and get ahead of the Lord, we miss His best. We must show those learning about the Lord that obedience is always the only choice. Through all of this, I have learned that adoption is a beautiful thing, but there is also a lot of hurt and pain that comes along with it. There is a lot of pain that all of those involved feel (even the family who receives the blessing).
Not long after this test was all over and our faith had been strengthened, God showed us that we did have a purpose in His plan. He showed us that having the opportunity to be a witness to this birth mom and dad was and is all He expects from us. The opportunity to show them who He really is and fervently pray that He will remove their chains of bondage and work a miracle in their lives was and continues to be our only purpose. And that is more than enough. Every child of God has the same purpose in life: to reach one more.
Are we giving up on our adoption journey? God has not brought us this far for us to give up. I am still claiming Luke 1:37. He has sent me that verse multiple times for a reason. We trust that He will bless us with children in need of a forever family at exactly the right time. He knows if those children will come as infants, toddlers, or as a sibling group. We want Him to work out all of the details in His timing.
Restoration of the family is always our prayer. But in some cases, restoration is not possible. In the United States alone, there are over 100,000 children waiting for forever families. I am sure there are many more who are waiting internationally. Therefore, God asks certain families to adopt. (James 1:27). Is there one or more orphans waiting on you to be their mom and dad? Pray for God’s will. These children need to witness God’s hope. You don’t have to be perfect. God will equip you along your journey.
✨ The devotion excerpts were from My Family Time with God and Jesus Calling.
Wow. So much joy tangled up with so much loss… this is the way of adoption. Praying for your beautiful mama-heart. ❤
Thank you so much for your prayers.