You knew what you were getting into.
You knew the depths of trauma.
You knew the way things would be handled in this awful, failing system.
You knew the kids would get attached only to be told that that attachment doesn’t matter because it isn’t biological.
You knew you would become attached, too, but that attachment isn’t supposed to matter either because it is only supposed to be temporary.
You knew kiddos would be moved at the drop of a hat or sent back home even when things weren’t different.
You knew medical professionals’ recommendations would mean nothing!
You knew you might even have to ask a few children to be moved when extreme circumstances occured out of your control adding more trauma.
You knew you would have to pretend to be a doormat and show no emotion even if it is for the greater good of these children who have crossed your doorstep due to abuse and neglect.
You knew you would have compassion for first families despite the awful, horrible abuse they chose to bring to these children!
You knew lies would be told and court timelines wouldn’t matter!
You took training. You understood just how unfair things are! You knew!
No! No, I didn’t.
I didn’t know what I was getting into.
Yes, I had taken hours of foster care training and had witnessed trauma in the past as an elementary teacher and developmental specialist, but I didn’t fully understand the depths of what I was truly getting myself into because I hadn’t ever brought that trauma into my own home.
I didn’t know what a battle it would be to know what to pray and desire for until that first placement was put into my arms.
I didn’t know the struggle that would arise when God asked me to pray for parents to be healed and kids to remain safe and protected all at the same time.
I didn’t know the nightmares that would wake me out of my sleep due to the seriousness of the pasts that these children bring with them.
I didn’t know trust issues would become a part of my every day life because of lies being told and spread for reasons that I don’t care to mention.
I really didn’t know I would be subjected to such deceit when children’s lives are on the line.
No, I didn’t know!
I didn’t know how trauma would take deep roots into my inner being because you can’t sweep these kids’ trauma they experienced in first families under the rug. That is impossible. And, trauma caused by a broken system can’t be hidden when you had no idea it was coming at you in the first place.
I didn’t know that all social workers, lawyers, judges, and whomever else is involved in these horrendous cases aren’t created equal.
I really didn’t know!
Surely everyone who works in a field with abused children always has the best interest of the child in their minds. How could they not? Right?
I didn’t know the struggles that could come from trying to bond with children who hate every part of human existence due to being hurt their whole lives even by the foster care system. I didn’t know how that bond that had been tirelessly worked on for hours and hours and hours would no longer matter when it became convenient for the system.
I didn’t know how my voice would be completely stolen from me. I didn’t know the fight that always has lived inside of me would be crushed to the point that it is unrecognizable.
I didn’t know!
And, I am so glad! I am so glad I didn’t know all of the things mentioned above. If I had known just how unfair and unjust our broken foster care system is, I would have never said yes. Never!
And, had I not said yes, I wouldn’t have my sweet little AJ. A little boy who was once dying is now alive. He is Safe. He is Protected. He was worth saying YES to! He needed us to say that his life was worth saving.
And, we also wouldn’t have his 3 precious sisters and a sweet little baby boy from a totally different family that we love so dearly. Only God knows when they will be released from this awful system they are forced to be in without a voice! Their voices have also been stolen. Only God knows where they will end up. But, at least for now, they are SAFE! They are PROTECTED! They know what unconditional LOVE really is.
And, hadn’t we said yes, we wouldn’t have had the opportunity to show several other children what being loved and what safety truly is! Unfortunately, every child can’t stay. That’s where things get really, really difficult. But, now that I know about the darkness that lingers behind closed doors, it makes me want to say YES! even more.
Because my God is the light of the WORLD! And, He can expose the darkness and overcome the pure deception in this awful, broken system that these kids and foster parents are thrown into!
The light will always shine through the darkness! And, that is one thing I will ALWAYS know.
John 8:12 – Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life.
Matthew 5:14 – Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid.
All of these kids’ lives matter! They matter to the Lord. And, He will take care of His children. He has a plan, and we have to trust His plan.
Ephesians 3:20 – Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us,